Of Pink Tutus, Acrophobia, and Fishnet Leggings
by Dust in the Light-Crisi
Summary: A series of comical and teasing Thuke oneshots. Companion of Inevitability series but may well stand alone. Of Luke Abuse: Luke's eating habits finally send Thalia over the edge. T for language R&R
1. Of Molten Lipstick

**Ever wonder why Thalia hates all things girly and pink? Well here's sort of an explanation I cooked up. Thuke of course but decidedly subtle. I place this around when Thalia was 10 and Luke 12. Part of the Inevitability series. More comedic Thuke oneshots will be here later as well.**

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><p>He's got that annoying smile again, the one he only gets when he's being completely full of himself or he's out to piss her off, and she just wants to smack it off his face. Maybe if she hits him hard enough she'll be able to see his eyes roll around in his skull, like a slot machine. At least she might get the chance to play bowling with his teeth. She wonders how many she can knock out absently and grins at the mental image of him with holes in that stupid smile of his. Not to mention how he'd likely mourn his teeth like he lost his good looks or something but she has news for him: you can't lose what you never had in the first place.<p>

Unless you're delusional. Then you can believe whatever the fuck you want and she won't complain. She'll just contact the nearest asylum and send him on a one-way ticket to the funny farm. He won't do her any good if he's bonkers.

He's hunched over some magazine now though and he hasn't bugged her but he keeps looking down at the magazine and then back up at her with that damnable expression. It's starting to make her as uneasy as she is annoyed. And then she catches a glimpse of what the magazine is about and her eyes grow into dinner plates as she darts forward and rips it away from him.

And he's laughing, hard enough that it looks like his eyes are going to pop like water balloons full of jelly. He's mocking her and she's ripping up the picture in the magazine of her in a pink tutu and a sash that reads "Little Miss California" with her mom on one arm parading her around like she's prime livestock.

She pauses at her own expression and a ghost of a smile comes to her lips. Even then, through her glinting eyes buried in sparkly make-up, she looks like she conspiring burn the tutu and melt the make up to thwart her mother's bid for turning Thalia into "Little Miss America." Serves her right.

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><p><strong>Until next time,<strong>

**~Crisi**


	2. Of Luke Abuse

**This one is most definitely based off of my characterization of Thalia and Luke in Inevitability, but it's not necessary to read. Basically all you need to know is that this is perfectly normal behavior from both of them; Luke being picky about eating and Thalia whalloping him good.**

**Obviously this one is placed after Annabeth joins their little group. So Thalia's twelve and Luke's fourteen here, set a little ways before the pieces I'll eventually be posting on the Hunters of Artemis set.**

**Warnings: Swear words and mentions of muskrat and Luke abuse**

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><p>He's like a bird when he eats and it's really annoying. She didn't really see it coming. They don't have much option on the road and they can't afford to be choosy with whatever they do have, Thalia knows. Annabeth gets it. She'll eat just about anything if she's hungry enough and if her nose doesn't tell her it's rancid. Thalia would eat rocks if she thought they would actually give her anything other than painful poops.<p>

Luke's the only one who can't quite get with the program no matter how long they travel together. He grimaces at the thought of eating anything strange. It's funny. He'd willingly pick a trashcan for a partially spoiled meal but he won't even touch that perfectly good muskrat she caught. She skinned it to the best of her ability and roasted it in strips over a makeshift spit.

Annabeth downed her portion with gusto. It wasn't half bad actually. A little tough and oddly juicy but not bad at all. But Luke upturns his nose, preferring going hungry over eating something that gross. He's doing it again, that stupid superior act. Like he's above her. Fucking snob.

Thalia bristles. Five minutes later he's on the ground clutching a lump the size of a golf ball and she's trying to shove the food in his mouth. If the stubborn ass would just eat a bite instead of spitting it out in her face then maybe he'd find that he actually likes it.

"What the Hades was that for Thalia!" He groans, stubbornly clenching his teeth so she can't get him to eat it. She whacks him again for good measure.

"You know why. It might be a while before we can find anything better, Luke. We need you strong and ready to fight and that's not going to happen if you're half-starved to death!"

"I'm not eating some smelly rodent and really if you're so concerned about my being able to fight then why don't you just leave me alone? Being a little hungry's gotta better than having a concussion from your damn boots smacking my skull around!"

"You have to have a brain in order to have a concussion, doofus." Thalia retorts. Annabeth giggles in the background in agreement. Luke opens his mouth a little more to protest, giving Thalia the chance she was waiting for. She stuffs the strip of meat in his mouth and catches his chin so he can't spit it out again.

This time it seems to stick. Despite all the dramatic gagging and retching and flailing, Luke has lost. He might have a few pounds on her but she's still stronger than him. Sometimes being Heracles' little sister was advantageous. Thalia only lets his jaw go once she feels him swallow.

"There, that wasn't so bad was it?" She gets to her feet and jumps back before Luke can retaliate. Luke's gagging dramatically still.

But far be it from him to ever admit she was right. He starts off on a tirade about her almost killing him because he almost choked and the muskrat probably had rabies. But Thalia just smirks. She knows what rabies looks like and followed her prey for some time to ensure it was whole. He's just bitching now. Looking for something to complain about.

Still, Luke argues that it was disgusting and he hated it. Insisting Thalia was a savage (stupid move on his part actually. He'd be feeling that tomorrow she was certain.) After that Thalia lets him be for the rest of his night except to tell him he has first watch. She has second and when he wakes her up to begin her watch, Thalia smugly notes that some more of the smoked muskrat is missing. But she doesn't bring it up to Luke the next morning. She knows better. She just enjoys her silent victory.


End file.
